Many people will tell you that what bothers them most during conversations is not the topic, but the attitude of the person they have conversed with. This predicament ends up to be the reason why friendships become superficial. As a result, one of you becomes either pushy or lifeless. Proper assertive behavior and body language, aside from possessing assertive communication skills, are therefore necessary in developing happy relationships.

Winning Friends

The right attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face, state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from being bossy and overbearing.

Getting Promoted

Assertiveness is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career and your personal life. If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion.

It is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities.

For you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language. It is not difficult, actually. You just need to show the person you are talking to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that you are discussing.

Eye-to-eye Contact

When in a conversation, you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-to-eye contact. It is believed that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party your undivided attention.

You must not, under any circumstances, look around while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person you’re talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact.

Leaning Forward

For you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound on what he or she has just said.

Of course, leaning backward is the opposite. It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party.

You have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship. You must not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are.

Just be assertive. Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident, it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them.

Indeed, it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you.

Most men have such terrible body language that simply by learning a few secrets, you can instantly stand out from the crowd. Every man can become more attractive; body language is one of the most important for increasing your attractiveness, and making a better first impression. So what can you do starting from today?

1. Plant yourself when standing still

Put your feet slightly wider apart than is natural, don’t shift your weight. Notice how your feet feel planted. You can stay like this for long periods of time. This is how martial artists stand, it is a solid base.

2. Do not fidget, fiddle, or touch face

What do you normally do with your hands? Twitching and fidgeting is very unattractive, look around and see it in other people. It makes you look nervous. Keep your hands by your sides. Place the thump on the index and middle fingers, this removes the natural need for the fingers to constantly be doing something.

3. Don’t look down

Keep your head up. If you need to look away, look up, never look down, it’s a sign of weakness and also looks unattractive. You can observe this in others. Looking down even has been proven to have a bad effect on your mental state.

4. Make slow head movements

High status males everywhere, on film, in business, and in your social circle have certain things in common. One of which is slow, smooth movements. Look around slowly and smoothly, don’t dart around and jolt your head around like you have been drinking espressos all day long. Think smooth, think James Bond. James Bond has very attractive body language, and smoothness and lack of fidgety movements are the main elements.

5. Walk more slowly and smoothly

This is more high-status behaviour. By being smooth and comfortable you give off a sense of quiet confidence. You stand out from the people rushing around. In a bar or club, slow it down even more, you will stand out, in a good way.

6. Hold your drink by your side

When you have a drink, hold it by your side. It is a blocking action to hold a drink in front of your chest.

Do these things and you will make a better first impression and stand out from the other men in a room. If you are ever internally uncomfortable, you can still appear confident and composed by following the above rules.

For single guys, trying to meet woman can be a very frustrating process. Even if we go to the right places and find interesting girls, it still can be difficult due to the fact that guys have to be the ones who initiate a conversation.

Making the first move can be quite intimidating due to the fact that many guys don’t know what to say or how to start talking to women.

Even worse, a lot of guys are unsure if a girl will be interested in them.

But if you become a master at reading the body language of women, you can avoid that initial uneasiness and have the confidence to approach women.

So what is body language?

Basically body language is the collection of traits and behavior that all people give off which indicates our conscious (and sub-conscious) feelings. By paying attention to the body language of a woman, you’ll be able to tell if she wants you to talk to her.

Having this knowledge will make approaching her that much easier. So when you locate a girl that you are interested in, take a look at her body language and pay attention to these three indicators of interest:

1) Eye Contact

Before even talking to a woman, try to make direct eye contact with her. Often you’ll see her looking away quickly and then glancing back at you. If she holds your eye contact, then that is a definite indicator that she has an interest in you.

In addition, when she knows that you’re looking at her, study how she interacts with her friends and environment. Try to find anything that indicates a level of nervousness. This shows that she is attracted to you and is having trouble composing herself.

2) Touching Her Hair

For some mysterious reason, women show their interest in a guy by playing with their hair. By watching how she touches her hair, you’ll find out her level of interest.

Once you make eye contact, study how she touches her hair. The first thing you should look for is if she flips her hair. If you see her toss her hair from one side to the other and then looks directly at you, this indicates that she has some level of desire for you and would like you to engage her in a conversation.

Some other hair indicators can include caressing her hair as she talks to her friends or twirling hair around her finger. If you see these actions coupled with looks in your direction, then you’re being sent a subtle message.

3) Pointing Her Body Towards You

A powerful way to find out if a woman likes you is to watch how she positions her body after making initial eye contact. If she positions her body in your general direction, then this shows she is attracted to you.

When studying her, you are basically looking for certain indicators which demonstrate a subconscious desire for you to talk to her. Some gestures can include:

• Feet pointing towards you
• Exposing her wrists in your direction
• Widening her legs

If you see any maneuver from a woman which indicates an “opening up”, she is telling you that she is attracted and wants you to initiate a conversation.

By paying attention to the body language of women, you can find out their level of desire without even speaking a word. If you’re the shy type, then this is a great way to build confidence before making your first move.

So next time you’re looking for women, take some time to check out what they are saying to you without speaking a word.

If you’ve been studying self-improvement and wanting to have more success with women and dating, you have probably come across different ways of doing things.

There are many teachers who will teach you how to ‘act’ the part because you aren’t yet at the level of being truly comfortable and congruent in your own skin like a natural, ‘alpha male’ would be.

So they teach you things such as; stand up straight, stick your chest out, practicing holding her eye contact, moving slower, etc.

It may even look like progress is being made when you do these things that they have seen alpha male’s do. After all you’re taking ‘action’ and it must mean something.

Well, unfortunately that’s pretty much what it is; acting.

Look, you can try ANY number of body language ‘techniques’ or exercises but you’re STILL going to have the fear and incongruency around these beautiful and powerful women that you desire.

Ideally, you would want TRUE and PURE physiological change and a method to get there.

Isn’t there ANYTHING out there that will finally teach you how to effectively have real, core physiological change? I mean, true and pure change so that all of your actions stem not from acting but from ‘being’ that man of higher natural character?

Yes, there is finally an answer. It extends beyond NLP, hypnosis and body language exercises. It’s called Alpha Relational Dynamics.

No longer is it enough to just ‘know thyself’ anymore. Why? Because the root of your repression and lack of effectiveness is in these influential powers which you don’t understand.

You were born with and inherently have ‘the power’ to succeed with seducing women, it’s just been covered up and repressed by powers that you unknowingly allowed to be greater than you.

Women are representing a tremendous amount of socially leveraged power and no level of ‘inner game’ fixing or NLP is going to change the reality of that. You just have to understand your relationship to the root of the power she represents and what it means to you.

Things really aren’t that difficult but you just have to see through to the truth of what is going on and what has covered up your natural ability.

Once you understand your relationship to the powers of influence and where you fit amongst it all, THEN you will be able to clearly ‘be yourself’ and ‘be’ comfortable in your own skin because you can move that repression of your natural character into it’s proper place.

This equals fast physiological change and it happened for me too. One of my students said that it’s like ‘when someone tells you that your father wasn’t your father’. It’s that type of change.

In fact, I don’t see any other way if you were brought up in a social culture like this.

It’s either, remain ignorant to the grand relational dynamics and keep hitting the wall OR have cognition of the relational and social truth and reclaim your power.

Once you have your power, you’ll be able to consistently succeed with women and dating because you will always be doing the ‘right’ things physiologically and nonverbally around them. The social power they represent won’t be intimidating you and getting in your way anymore. You’ll be free to be yourself; but with power!

Though studying alpha male role models such as movie heroes can be important, it doesn’t necessarily lead to true change for yourself.

Apply alpha relational dynamics and you will ‘be’ more of what women want without resorting to gimmick tricks or techniques to ‘act’ the part. We all know that women will catch your ‘acting’. Find out more about the path to empowerment.

Nonverbal communication, otherwise known as body language, is just as important as the words that are being spoken in a conversation, particularly during a sales meeting or presentation. Professional buyers and sellers know this. They can tell when something is amiss or not right by studying the approach of the vendor or the client as he walks into a room and takes a seat. You don’t think it’s possible? Read on.

In majority of sales meetings, one party often assumes an “I am going to crush you” attitude; this eventually leads to misunderstanding and premature judgments. Often, nothing good comes out of meetings like this one. If one person starts out with a haughty attitude, the other will likely take a defensive stance and a subliminal battle of wits ensues.

For example: The buyer enters the room briskly, sits back on his chair with some distance from the table, folds his arms over his chest, crosses his legs and then blurts out, “So, what is it you want to discuss?” The seller could respond to this by moving to the edge with his feet in a sprinter’s stance and body leaning toward the buyer in a take-charge manner. He might also use his index finger with his hand gesticulations to drive his point across. This response could arouse suspicion on the side of the buyer, who likely hates a hard sell. As a result, the buyer puts up a defensive wall. Now both parties are edgy.

Instead of discussing the product or idea congenially, the seller starts to feel insecure because the buyer does not seem to be listening to him, and is instead trying to find faults in what the seller is saying. This frustration could be the seller’s undoing. He might be compelled to ask no-no sales questions, such as “Don’t you understand? What’s wrong with you?”

It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that nothing good will come out of this situation. In fact, hostile feelings could even be produced and both parties are likely to walk away shaking their heads in annoyance.

But this is just scratching the surface. While the above example might tell you a thing or two about how you and other human beings behave, it does not help you develop the skill of reading gestures and body language at the onset, so that situations like this one can be prevented.

A lot of purchasing agents like to assume an ogre-like attitude with novice salespersons, because it gives them an air of authority and they enjoy watching the novices squirm. These persons are hard to sell to, yes. However, if the salesperson can ask effective questions that address the agent’s particular interests and needs, this cool veneer will eventually fade. Conversely, if the agent takes off his glasses and puts it on the table, it means the meeting’s over and you need to get out.

If, during the sales pitch, the buyer leans closer and assumes a defensive gesture (like crossing his hands), this means he is not pleased with what you are saying. You can counter this by going back to your original position on the other side of the table and laying off your aggression slightly. There are those types of people who want to always maintain authority and will not appreciate having you over to their side of the fence.

Selling is no easy task. In fact, it can be one of the most unglamorous professions in the world (that depends on your skills and attitude of course) - and not many people regard sales people very highly. You can prevent this impression from taking over you by knowing how to read body language before defensive body language is thrown at you. It’s a hard job, but since you’re already there, you have to do it - and do it well.

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According to one estimate, there are over 700,000 forms of nonverbal communication which can be grouped into general categories: facial expressions and eye behavior, gestures and postures, vocal characteristics, personal appearance, touching behavior, and use of time and space.

• Facial expressions and eye behavior.

You face is the primary site for expressing your emotions; it reveals both the type and the intensity of your feelings. Your eyes are especially effective for indicating attention and interest, influencing others, regulating interaction, and establishing dominance.

• Gestures and postures.

By moving your body, you can express both specific and general messages, some voluntary and some involuntary.Slouching, learning forward, fidgeting, and walking briskly are all unconscious signals that reveal whether you feel confident or nervous, friendly or hostile, assertive or passive, powerful or powerless.

• Vocal characteristics.

Like body language, your voice carries both intentional and unintentional messages. The tone and volume of your voice, your accent and speaking pace, say a lot about who you are, your relationship with the audience, and the emotions underlying your words.

• Personal appearance.

Your appearance helps establish your social identity. Our grooming, our clothing, our accessories, and our style have a profound impact on our appearance. If your goal is to make a good impression, adopt the style of the people you want to impress. In most businesses, a professional image is appropriate, but in some companies, a more casual appearance is allowed.

• Touching behavior.

Touch is an important vehicle for conveying warmth, comfort, and reassurance. In business situations, touching suggests dominance, so a higher-status person is more likely to touch a lower-status person than the other way around. Touching has become controversial, however, because it can sometimes be interpreted as sexual harassment.

• Use of time and space.

Like touch, time and space can be used to assert authority. In many cultures, people demonstrate their importance by making other people wait; they show respect by being on time. However, attitudes toward punctuality and comfort zones and all other nonverbal communication carry from culture to culture.

Ten Postive Body Language Habits of Highly Effective Communicators:

1. Show that you are really listing by nodding thoughtfully;

2. Show interest in the other person by orienting your body towards the other person;

3. Show openness by pointing your feet towards the other person;

4. Be positive by stroking your chin;

5. Show attention by eye contact;

6. Show constructive attitude by a relaxed posture;

7. Show openness by keeping your hands open;

8. Show that you are focused by thoughtful ‘um-hums’;

9. Show co-operation by an open body position;

10. Show willingness to solve something by handling documents or materials presented to you.